I have an unplaceable fear/hatred/envy of the feminine.  I wish I could say this in a poetic way, but I can't muster anything but the truth.  I think I am a misogynist.  Or I think about men so little that the brunt of my thoughts are occupied by women, whom I happen to dislike as a result of my psychosexual issues/loneliness/jealousy.

I think it might do me some good to expound on the general premises.  It probably won't do anyone elseany good, though.  I'm not purposefully misogynist (who is?), but I fall into the slim catagory of people who are aware of it, so it seems purposeful.  I can't control my thoughts, and there's no O'Brien to save me from myself.  Generally, when I see things that are cute or girly, I am struck with a sense of guilt for perceiving it and an accompanying indignation for the guilt.  Anything I can clock as womanly --- that fucking MTV Downtown copycat artstyle you see from every dick without a dick, that moe artstyle that's so obviously influenced by male paedo artists, the coquette aesthetic (any aesthetic), that people-pleasing personality that sprouts like weeds, high voices, high voices trying to sound like low voices, Mitski, et cetera et cetera.  In real life, many of these things aren't apparent, but the mainstream woman is just as embarrassing.  I'm sorry, the population that DOES read reads PRISON EROTICA?  Heads up, most men wouldn't kill for you; most men would kill you.   

A part of me does believe that women are inferior, simply because the women-occupied spaces are seen as frivolous by society.  
  1.  I read an article in the New York Times about how men in literary circles are dying out.  Its argument: there should be more men in literary circles because men are the most powerful in the world anyway, and it's better to have educated men than dumb ones.  I agree with the argument.  It just depresses the everloving hell out of me that even women's circles aren't supported by women themselves, and admittedly, I am not one of them.  This lack of support leads me to believe it is useless to try.  Give up on writing the next Slaughterhouse-Five and churn out 50 50 Shades of Grey copy-cats.  Now with the Mafia, now with kidnapping, now with more misogyny! 
  2.  On music: sorry, Hildegard von Bingen --- if there's no female Radiohead, I can't believe we're equal to men yet.  I mean, on average, the human population prefers lower voices.  And sure, Sabrina Carpenter and Chappell Roan are beautiful, talented women, but when have anyone hailed them for the strides that they're making in music?  Roan's whole shtick is being camp, and Carpenter's brand is revolved around fucking and sucking.  A counter to this is the Beatles, of course.  They started out writing shit love songs and then evoled because it was necessary... but when has a woman ever had a beautiful, artful metamorphosis that doesn't have anything to do with her sex?  It's always flowery budding blooming stuff can we cool it with that  
  
My personal issues led me to dislike people of the same sex.
  1.  Embarrassing for my mother, my girlfriend, my female lineage, Eve --- I know, I know.  My misogyny probably springs from my dissatisfaction with my inability to fulfill expectations.  I failed as a daughter, as a student, and as a person worthy of the title "human".  I'm not beautiful, I'm not obedient, and I don't have any talents to make up for the fact.  For some reason, the women whom I find surrounding me are average or above.  They are above (in society's eyes) in the fact that they are self-sacrificing, dutiful, appearance-conscious.  Oh yes, it's no hassle, grades.  It's no hassle my free time is sapped.  It's no hassle my parents won't love me if I don't do what they want.  It's no hassle, worrying about being ugly.  I end up judging them from a point of envy.  Did you know that people who are self-sacrificing end up getting people who are willing to sacrifice themselves for them, even if it's not particularly romantic?  ...I must be lazy.  
        a.  Some indignation rises from my perspective as a feminist(?).  I don't even like to call myself that because words are tumultuous.  It is natural that one believes what she finds most logical.  Ideally, logic should be universal.  It isn't, apparently.  I can't believe how many times I've been put to the side because I'm too harsh on men.  Are you kidding me?  "I read through your blog, and it's kind of intense" I would have stuck with you if you killed someone, and you give me THAT.  "Wait... I still don't understand..." and then they make no more attempt of understanding,  
  2.  Frankly I've been embarrassing myself all my life for female validation.  This goes for a lot of women too, except they embarrass themselves for men.  No idea why any girl ("ugly" or otherwise) should stay with a man.  Anyway yeah I get fixated on what I think is impressive to other women and then it does nothing.  And again I kind of have no friends so it hurts more I guess.  Like yeah hobbies are great but I need to talk to someone, and men don't usually give thrilling commentary, sorry.  Um this isn't academic.  
  
  Counterarguments: A woman made the Darwin Awards.  A woman birthed every genius out there.  The Y chromosome is an incomplete X.  I am well aware that misogyny is wrong; I can see it in test scores, and I can see it in the fact that girls don't joke about rape.  Serial killers generally aren't women, and when they are, they have a good reason.   Women have sex organs; they're nice, typically; you cannot say the same thing about men.  Men don't know how to make women orgasm, men are disconnected from their emotions, et cetera.  Men don't listen as well as women.  Men get horny for feet.  Men would literally shoot up a school before going to therapy.  MEN GOON.  
  
  So does this break me from my woman-hating reverie?  Honestly, it just makes me generally misanthropic.  I like women better, of course.  I don't really really like anyone but my mother, my grandmother, my girlfriend, my teachers, my friend (the narcoleptic), George Harrison, Kurt Vonnegut, Ray Bradbury, Amberlynn Reid reaction channels, silly girls on tumblr... Um I forget I like people.  I'm still scared I'm a misogynist, though.   I'm a feminist until a woman slights me.
  
  Created 25 February 2025
  Last updated 12 March 2025